I ended the afternoon sedated, intubated, unconscious, and significantly swollen and bruised facially. I was now in what I refer to as "Room 1," which I have no memory of. Repeating for clarity: zero memory of anything that happened in Room 1, mostly. This room was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU.) At this point, due to the head injury sustained, it was not understood whether I would survive, and if I did, whether or not I may be paraplegic, or, if lucky, something less so, and thus with more function.

My wife was also now with me, as was my oldest son, Son_1. My other two kids lived out of the area, and were on their way. My wife's sister was also on her way from the midwest.

• Sometime within Day 1 and 2, my wife and Son_1 were talking about "my wishes", and they both knew exactly my thoughts on the matter. They both understood (they say, and I believe them, mostly) that what took priority was not what they might have wanted, but rather what I had been very clear and articulate about that I wanted. On several occasions over several years. Consistently. I won't get into that here, other than to say that extension of life is not my priority. And so, the discussion of "when to unplug?" and "what does 'When' show up like?" came up. It was agreed that no further "surgery to correct further" would be undertaken. And "so long as I appeared to improve, then it was not time to unplug."
  
  And I improved, each day. Admittedly, from a very low starting point.
  
  I refer to October 6th, 2015, 2PM as the moment I was "Born Again".
  

Insight Note -

It is probably a good idea to set up how the "reboot" was actually experienced by me. Of course, since Me starts this whole journey from here basically "offline" and then gradually, in stages, comes back "online", stage by stage, or level by level, or function by function, whatever ... it should also be kept in mind that I may not really know (or remember), or even have been able to comprehend the accurate facts of what I was experiencing at all during this time. Skepticism is important, and always warranted for truth seekers.

The picture I am putting forth in this Insight Note is intended to be an abstract literary device that, if successful, very closely describes how "coming back online" unfolded and was experienced by me. Cognitively.

The Cognitive Reboot

So, in this narrative, consider the mind as like a computer.

Repeating just a few particulars from "The Cognitive Reboot" link above ...

Why do I discuss a Cognitive Reboot as such? Because that is what happened to Me, the Cognitive Me, perhaps even elsewhere, but certainly cognitively as a result of the accident. ... And, as I was "firing up", a process that took time (e.g. days and weeks, depending on the relevant subroutines and functions,) I was actually unaware of what I had been, what I was capable of, and what I was progressing to. Until I was. Step by step ...

Important → And by the way ... I did not think my way through the reboot. ... It was what it was. And, it was an intrinsic part of the machine that is me. I was built with it. It was, in other words, a.) Instinctive. And thus, genetic. ... And in my case, The Instinct Engine got invoked as a result of my accident. ← Important

... Would we consider this a full 100% reboot? Probably not. Full Start probably occurs at the time of conception, and from there, yada, yada, yada. For me, I was a 57 year old adult. So, rather than a full 100% Start and Boot Up, using our narrative I probably experienced a full "restart." A Reboot.

At some point ... I acquired (probably reacquired) the ability to observe other of my cognitive functions coming back online. I had no idea what was coming back online until it came back online. ... I had no thought about specific functions at all until those specific functions began to come back online.

One function that took about two weeks before it began to come back online was the ability to create and store Long Term Memory (LTM). ... Until then, I apparently had Short Term Memory, which would evaporate after 10-20 seconds or so. More or less.

OK, so keep that in mind. What I experienced was fully consistent with the execution of a cognitive reboot as described in the link above. I say. Which is not how one might imagine it. Especially if one has never experienced for themselves a Cognitive Reboot that has unfolded in this way.

Back to the journal:

• I have no credible memories at all from Day 1 or Day 2, as far as I can tell. I do have very vague memories (see below), but none that I can correlate with Day 1 or Day 2. Even correlating my "first memory" (below) with Day 3 is really a stretch. Meaning, credibility on that one in terms of chronology is far from certain. However, I have zero memories of even getting on my motorcycle on Day 1, zero memories of the accident, zero memories of anything to do with getting to the hospital, surgery etc. Zero. And, I am told that this is quite normal for accidents of my type. All the medical team that I spoke to weeks afterward were of the same belief that the trauma from the accident disrupted several functions, even if only temporarily. One of those was long term memory (LTM) formation. Thus, anything that I had been holding in short term memory would simply have evaporated within 10 to 20 minutes if it had not been moved to LTM. Thus, I don't even remember getting on the bike.
  
  
• I am going to take a guess (that is NOT based on any actual experience recalled or understood during this time frame, since I was very much offline) that any visual memory that I had (or even visual "dreaming" that I would not, in any case, remember having) within Room 1 did not occur on Day 1.
  
  Why would I guess this and put it forth for your consideration? (And, be skeptical. Think!)
  
  
  
  Well, the injury broke my skull in the lower right rear portion, and from there the hematoma formed, pressuring my brain, squeezing and shrinking it. So much so that eventually I required intubation before my breathing stopped on its own. Back nearby there is the occipital lobe, which I am thinking would also have experienced the pressure (and thus blood flow and oxygen reduction) issues. Assuming that these issues are what eventually initiated my Reboot, various functions sourced from within the occipital lobe would have gone through reboot as well. Not all, perhaps not many, but generally, "some" would be a safe bet. Whatever "some" means. The occipital lobe is where many of the "visual" functions are located. I believe any cognitive "dreaming" with a visual component may well have been offline during the early time frame of the reboot.
  
  
• Day 3 (Oct. 8th) - I am not clear whether this "first memory" was generated while I was in Room 1 or in Room 2. That is not actually possible to know. However, if I had to take a "guess with a higher likelihood of being true", I would put the timing of it during the time my mom was out to visit me. She arrived on Day 3, while I was still intubated. That may place this first "memory" perhaps 2-3 days into Room 1.
  
  
  
  In this memory, I "recall" being in the hospital, walking down the hall with other members of my family. I can't say I remember who I was with, exactly, or even kind of exactly. Just that we were walking down the hall together. I "remember" not knowing where we were going, not knowing who we were there to see, not even sure why we were there at all.
  
  Another "memory" is of an activity similar to the one above. Again, not sure why we were there, again at the hospital. Or who we were going to see. Wondering why we were there again and yet I still didn't know even the most basic particulars of what brought us there. My sense was this was "the next day". However, in reality I cannot tell you whether these memories were generated either days apart, hours apart, or even minutes apart. Just that my sense while experiencing them was that the two memories were generated by events at least a day apart. But there was something new about the second memory. My mom was also with us. And it struck me how unusual that was. Why would she come all the way out here from Illinois and then come to the hospital to visit whoever we were going to visit? We could have called her with whatever info she might be interested in, after all. Who did she know out here anyway, other than us? I remember all of that kind of thinking on my part as part of that "memory."
  
  Finally, in the "third memory" of the activity like the ones above, while walking down the hall with the group, it occurred to me that the reason we were here was to visit me. I was the reason we were all at the hospital, to visit me. Obviously, a "conflict with reality" was now in play (I am walking down the hall with everyone, and thus not in obvious need of being in the hospital.) I found that curious, confusing. And, that is the last memory I have of these "events."
  
  Obviously, definitely so, the three events walking the hospital halls never actually happened, even though I "remember" them as if they absolutely actually did.
  

Insight Note -

Later in Part 1, I will discuss the notion of d-2.) The Ability to Distinguish between the Real and the Imaginary, and what is Perception (a combo of the two.) Including a descriptive definition of what ConserveLiberty means by those terms. Suffice it to say for now that the ability to make these distinctions is a function of the Credible and Consistent Sense of Reality Personality Spectrum Tapestry. (The CCSR Filter.) It is this tapestry, made up of many of its executing subroutines, that is coming back "online" during The Reboot. The CCSR Filter is an ensemble of ensembles which themselves are ensembles of various functions (subroutines) that are among the most significant in priority making up the Cognitive Me that I had been and was now getting back to.

At this point, not many of the subroutines making up my CCSR Filter were either executing, or if some were, executing fully. In our biology-based jargon, the impact could be described as "for now, the phenotypic dial of my CCSR Filter was set low, although before the accident, its default setting had been much, much higher."

Some definitions:

• The Real - There is only One Real. Abstractly speaking, there is only One Fact. "The Real" and "The Fact" are synonymous. There are not multiple Reals that depend on the various perspectives that exist. There is only One Real. There are various (perhaps billions) of different perspectives about The One Same Real that all are exposed to. The Real is the Actual Factual that Is. It is up to us to perceive it, if we can, and what we can perceive and how it is interpreted will depend on our Filters and what they enable us to perceive.
  
  
• The Imaginary - What is Not Real, or may be Real but Not Known and Validated to be Real. Sometimes people get lucky, and what they imagine is actually Real as well. Often, its Not Real. Many times, people are more comfortable with what they imagine than what is actually Real. However, our Imagination and our Perception does not impact at all what is actually Real. The only thing that may be impactable is our Imagination and our Perception.
  
  It is possible that scientists who believe they have an understanding of Quantum Mechanics may disagree with me on this point. I understand their misunderstanding, if they do disagree. They simply need to think harder on the topic if they do. There is only One Real. However, it is true that the act of observing it will change what it will do next as a result of that, even if only slightly.
  
  
• Perception - Abstractly speaking, this is basically another word for "Detection". We are exposed to The Real, and we "detect" it with whatever we are built with (or build ourselves) to detect it. However, since we can't build something that will detect everything that may be in our environment, we actually only detect a part of it. And, since we thus only have limited information about what is actually "here or there, whenever" then to make sense of it (depending on what type of sense we need) we use our Imagination Facility. Often, Imagination is important if understanding more of the picture than we can detect is important. And, it often is. And, if Imagination is going to be of any practical use at all, one might often need to act on the imagined narrative as if it is fact. This leads to issues of judgement, etc., and we are not going to get into that here.
  
  In short, Perception is an amalgam of what is Real, and what is Imagination.

What is interesting is that apparently in the "memories" above, there are both elements of the The Real and The Imaginary. It is also true that the ability to distinguish between the two was offline, either at the time they got stored, or as a perspective that could get stored with them. All the aspects of the "memories" were remembered as if they were all Real. There is no question in my "recall" whether any aspect of them was Not Real at all. It never occurred to me to consider what was Real and Imaginary regarding anything. In fact, it was only after more of my CCSR Filter came back online (weeks later) did I ever find out that it was impossible that what I "recalled" above had occurred at all.

On analysis of these and other of the "memories" that will be detailed below, even though they did not and could not have occurred as recalled, and thus were significantly Imagined, in fact there were Facts contained within them. And, the Facts were all consistently of the same type. What were those facts?

It turns out that the People were not imagined. In no case did I ever save a memory of a Person who did not actually visit me. (Even though I have no memory of the actual visits!) And, the People who are recalled as being parts of these memories did actually visit me at the time that the "memories" I have were formed.

Important → Let me be more precise. My b.) Sense of Time and c.) Sense of Order functions were actually also offline as far as I can tell. The abilities those "subroutines" give us, that most of us take for granted, were not operative on Day 3, and not operative for several of the days afterwards. Thus, I cannot tell you which memories occurred at which times, or in which order, with respect to the others. ← Important

A "chronological" dimension of occurrence was not stored with these "memories" nor did it ever occur to me at the time that Chronology or Time was actually something at all. And yet, the activities that I "recalled" I executed or tried to execute with the People in my "memories" were activities that I was known to attempt when in the various of the Rooms I was located within during the moments that I "recalled" being visited by these people.

Thus, within these "memories," what was Real were:

• the People who visited me, and
• the activities I attempted to execute during the times that I was in the Room that they actually did visit me in, or activities I imagined I wanted to execute.
• Note that while the people and the activities were real, or that I had actually imagined that the activities were factually true (i.e. the activities may or may not have been true, but that I had imagined they were true), the association of said activity with a person (both remembered as happening together and in relation with each other) were not true. Again, the association was not true. Thus, imagined. And yet, I recall them as if the People, the activity, and that they are relevantly associated with each other were true and fully credible. Just fascinating.
  

The rest was apparently fully Imagined. And, I had no capability at the time to discern what was actually Real, and what was Imaginary. Nor did the notion that there was a distinction between the two ever occur to me. For me, it was all Real. Or, importantly, if I did understand the difference at the time, whatever I understood about that was not remembered.

Important → d-1.) Visual Processing and Interpretation Functions beginning to come back online. The occipital portion of the brain houses various visual functions. Damage here can result in hallucinations (if visual function comes back at all.) Thus, that there are visual images remembered suggests that some visual functions (subroutines) were coming back online, although the ability to comprehend or distinguish between the Real and the Imaginary (hallucinations) may not be online yet.← Important

Important → d-2.) The Ability to Distinguish between the Real and the Imaginary was not online at this time. At all. I believed everything was real. Meaning, it never even occurred to me to consider notions of whether anything was real (it all was!), or whether I was dreaming or hallucinating. No credibility. For additional information about the Reality Perception Ensemble ← click here. ← Important

Important → Note, the fact that I recall these "memories" at all implies some e.) Long Term Memory (LTM) Formation ability. At the time, that function was not online much at all, and for the most part, I have no memories of anything that those who were conscious with me in Rooms 1 or 2 have memories of. I have zero credible memories of their actual visits. None at all. ← Important

All who were there agree that whenever we did have discussions in either Room 1 or 2, and even during the early days of Room 3, I had forgotten even having had the discussion within 10-30 seconds.

So, there are insights in here somewhere into how the CCSR Filter is rebooting.

Back to the journal:

• A picture was taken of me on Day 3. Still intubated, sedated, unconscious. Room 1. But looking a lot better despite the facial bruising. While no pics were taken earlier, I am told that significant healing had occurred over those first 3 days.
  
  
• By Day 4 (Oct. 9th) a leak had developed in the tube that was intubating me, and thus it needed to be removed. Since it would be removed, I would need to be able to breath on my own. Since I would need to breath on my own, my sedation was reduced. As is normal for patients with head injuries, when sedation is lessened and consciousness returns, so does confusion, since the patient often has no idea where he is, or why. And thus, instinct apparently rules, and an attempt to free oneself from perceived (and often real) restraints, as well as an attempt to escape often results. While testing did not indicate much sensation present in my extremities, it was not clear how I might react as I regained consciousness. Thus, while family is often not present for an extubation (which is uncomfortable to the patient), two of my kids were allowed to remain in the room in order to help restrain me if needed.
  
  They were all letting me know they were there for me, and that everything was going to be OK.
  
  As I regained consciousness, and extubation was attempted, I reacted quite assertively. Both arms and legs were so powerful that my daughter could not hold me down, and she left the room to bring my second son, Son_2 in to help.
  
  Important → a.) Instinct at some fundamental level was observed at this moment. ← Important
  
  On hearing this story weeks later once back home, I remember feeling just horrible that my children (then 29, 26, and 24) had witnessed such a state of degraded behavior from their father. And I said as much. After all, that is not the "brand" that a father wants to communicate of himself to his family!
  
  My daughter quickly asserted, "Dad, that was the best news I had gotten so far at the time!" I asked, "How could that be true, honestly?"
  
  To which she replied, "We all thought you were going to be paraplegic, and there you were with both your arms and legs quite strong, stronger than us, and doing just what you were wanting them to do. They were under your control. You were not paraplegic at all. That was great news!"
  
  Important → I gotta say, I'm not sure how it figures in exactly, but the 4th miracle was having wife and kids that loved me. I have no memory of that time, of course. It happened long before I regained the ability to form credible long term memories, or much by way of memory at all (see first memories above.) I may have understood it, nonetheless. That's potent, although I don't know how or why. But its potent. ← Important
  
  I should remark that once home (weeks later) and with more of my usual self (what I refer to as the Cognitive Me) back online, on hearing these stories (I do not remember any of the events from Rooms 1 or 2) I truly did not recognize the person they described as the Me who I believe that I am.
  
  Important → ??.) The Profound Impact of Touch may have come into play at this moment. Of course, this is unknown, and cannot be known credibly in this instance. However, consider this.← Important
  
  
• Now extubated, I can talk. Communication can now occur, regardless how confounded, unintelligible, and seemingly senile it may be.
  
  
• My first words were either, "Where's B***" or "Get B***." My daughter ran out to get my wife. She came in and held my hand and I squeezed back each time she talked to me. Then I said either "Kids, kids" or "Kiss, kiss" and puckered up.
  
  Important → So this is the first evidence that f.) Memory (if undamaged) is Accessible and was working at some level. And, that memory itself, at some level, was intact. Finally, g.) Retrieval from Memory was functioning at some level. While it was noticed that I squeezed my kids' hands as they held mine before extubation was performed, that is not enough evidence for me to suggest I recognized who they were, which would also involve Recall from Memory. In this case, I asked for Wife by name. While its not clear to me at this point what her name actually represented to me, it does seem that what it was that I identified with "B***" was what I wanted to experience as "present with me." And, congrats! I got the name right!! Imagine what the reaction would have been if I had referenced an alternate name. At the very least, her name had been associated in my memory with someone important that I wanted present, and I was able to associate that person with the name "B***" correctly. How do I know I was associating correctly? Because I behaved as if my request was addressed correctly. ← Important
  
  
• (Still Day 4, Oct 9th) The neurosurgeon then came in and asked me to do a few things:
  • "Open your eyes" - I did it.
  • "Stick out your tongue." - I did it.
  • "Lift up your left foot." - I stuck out my tongue. I did not lift my left foot.
  
  Important → ??.) The Manifestation of Humor - Could this be a basal level instinctual behavior, appearing at whatever degree of expression is currently online? The medical opinion offered at the time to explain this is that I had limited cognitive ability to process the commands, that they may have been given too quickly, and that I could not yet keep up. Thus, on the 3rd command I simply repeated my response to the "last" command I was able to process. Could be. However, perhaps an alternate explanation may be in play. Because of my right-side brain injury, I may not have had much control of my left side at the time (which is why it was being tested.) Perhaps I had tried to lift my left foot and understood that I could not do so. Perhaps I wanted to let my interrogator know that I had heard him, and simply couldn't respond as requested. The sticking out of my tongue was the last thing I had done (and I had fleeting short term memory of it) and so I responded in the only way that I could communicate "I heard you", "I can't", and "Leave me alone!" Nicely, but sincerely meaning what I might have meant. Of course, the only one who would truly know, Me, has no way of asserting that credibly. And, I am sure that at the time I had no rational or intention development cognitive behaviors online at all. Not possible without LTM. ← Important
  
  
• Later that day, I said, "I am going to die. I am going to die. I am ready. I am ready."
  
  To which Son_1 replied, "No, you are going to heal."
  
  To which I replied, "I am going to heal."
  
  Important → h.) The Instinct to Move Forward was apparently online. There are a few ways to interpret what may have been going on with me instinctually. Of course, the only one who would truly know, Me, has no way of asserting that credibly. However, one likelihood is that I was already in a Moving Forward mode, instinctively. That subroutine may have already been online.
  
  In that case, while many folks may have interpreted my remark as one of potential despair or anxiety, and a decision to give up (considering what they may have believed someone in my position may have felt) ... it is also true that I may simply have "understood" that I was dying and was not anxious about it at all. Instead, I may have been ready to move forward with what I interpreted as my destiny. After all, I had no information regarding what circumstances I was actually in. AND (importantly!) I actually had gotten as close as one can to actually expiring, although for whatever reason I was returning. Perhaps I instinctively imagined my bounce back as a chance to say goodbye. Remember, I did not yet have an online facility for distinguishing the Real from the Imaginary. It was all perceived as Real to me. Who knows?
  
  
  
  However, what is clear is that as soon as I got more information ("You are going to heal") well delivered rhetorically as factual, I apparently went with it without hesitation. ← Important
  
  
• Later, spontaneously, I would touch and pick at my head bandage, and say, "Please. Why hat?"
  
  My wife's sister replied, "You bumped your head."
  
  
• By evening, I was less agitated, and opened my eyes.
  • I knew my first and last name.
  • I did not know where I was.
  • I could lift both arms, right first, then left when reminded.
  • I could lift my right leg.
  
  
• Since Cognitive Me was offline (but "Alternate Me" had emerged) there was the challenge that Alternate Me was certain, whenever he was allowed to become conscious, that all those tubes sticking into me everywhere needed to be removed. As well as my "hat." I actually pulled as many or all of them out whenever I got the slightest chance. Several times. While generally sedated and restrained, it turns out that apparently there was always a moment to "act" if I waited it out long enough. And, I did! I was uniquely typical in my own way. And, I have no memory of any of it.
  
  And so they kept me sedated as much as they dared. Of course, the mind needs to have sedation lifted now and then so that it can heal. Thus ... this cycle repeated until the more rational Cognitive Me slowly began to come back online.
  
  
• There is another story told that occurred that I have absolutely no memory of. I was in Room 1, extubated, and so was able to speak at some abbreviated level. My oldest son had "taken charge" of looking out for my best interests, and I must say it seems he had a good sense of "the dad he knew, and the person he knew me to be."
  
  Apparently I was asking, feebly, what had happened, wanting to know why I was in the hospital. At the same time, it was clear that I was operating at a much simpler cognitive ability than what I had before the accident. His opinion (a good one) was that I was wanting to understand what had happened and why I was there. His opinion (also a good one) was that I was not likely capable of making sense of what had actually happened to me and thus why I needed to be there. While the explanation seems simple, and understanding of the situation obvious, it is actually only obvious to those with a good rational mechanism operating. My rational facilities were not yet back on line. Or, if they were that was not obvious. However, I will state definitively that they were not. For one, I do not believe that rational thought can occur without the ability to form Long Term Memory, and I certainly did not have that ability yet. That was obvious to everyone.
  
  Without rationally justifying the very credible opinion my son had, which was factually true, his assessment (also a good one) was that attempting to explain to me my situation would only cause me to become frustrated, as I would not be able to make the sense I needed to make from it. While normally no one avoids frustrating me, this was not a normal time. All had agreed that it would be better for my healing if I was simply left to "chill out". "That I knew that I was loved, and that those important to me were with me" was all I really needed at the moment. And, all were correct.
  
  However, none of that rational thinking was going through my mind at all. I was in the situation I was in, and wanted to know how I got there. Why? Because instinctively I am drawn to knowing the facts of a situation. Period. To be more precise (as if that is really necessary) ... actual facts. Real, verifiable, data driven and data containing Real Facts Only. (I think that instinct may be driven by my CCSR Filter, and apparently somewhat even at an early reboot stage, but I do not have sufficient facts to know that.) And I didn't understand the facts of my situation at all. For whatever the reason. Thus my persistent question on the matter.
  
  While my oldest son was present, he was focused on making sure no one attempted to answer my question about why I was there. And, everyone complied. Eventually, the visiting hours were over, and folks left. Some kissed me goodbye. The last to leave was my mom. She leaned down to kiss me, and then whispered softly, "S****, you are here because you had a motorcycle accident."
  
  And at that, I replied, softly, "Thank you."
  
  
• Day 5 (Oct 10th) started off (after I had pulled off my head wrap and pulled out my right femoral line earlier that night or early morning) with me trying out ice chips and applesauce. The Speech therapist determined that I knew my name, who my wife and Son_1 were, and that my last name was Germanic in origin. I had a mild right facial droop, but both eyebrows raised well. Physical therapist found I could move all my extremities, but responded slowly to commands. Right side was better than the left. I was able to sit OK, and almost able to stand.
  
  
• There is at least one example of "misnamed" or "misunderstood" identity. Of course, I have no idea what "identity" may actually have meant to me at this time. This story was retold to me, I have no "memory" of the event at all. And without "recall" of the event I can't shed credible light on it.
  
  Son_2 had come to see me. He said, "Hey its me, Son_2!"
  
  I replied, "No, you are Son_1."
  
  As the story goes, it is not clear whether I could see that it was Son_2 or not, as one eye was still swollen shut and I wasn't looking in his direction. Son_2 believes that I may have believed that whoever it is that was in front of me was messing with me. His interpretation is that I actually seriously believed he was Son_1.

  Important → I believe this gets to an interesting phenomenon known by many. Despite knowing a familiar individual (such as a daughter) well, evidence suggests that naming errors can occur among very healthy and familiar individuals. Familiar individuals are often misnamed with the name of another member of the same semantic category; family members are misnamed with another family member's name and friends are misnamed with another friend's name. Click here for an interesting research article on the subject.
  
  In my case, I've made these kinds of mistakes several times, years before the accident. For example, I have quite consistently switched the names of my Daughter and my Sister, but that only occurs either when they are both present, or when one is present when I am talking about the other. My theory in this case on Day 5 is that my first son's name had been the first entered into the semantic category of "My Son" in my memory database. And thus, when not careful and wanting to retrieve a name for a son, the one that gets used is the "first one in my database." In my current state, the notion of "being careful" is simply non-existent. Thus, when I am interacting with my son, either son, Son_1's name may simply be the first one up, and thus the one used.
  
  f.) Memory was Accessible. g.) Retrieval from Memory was not careful or accurate. ← Important

• There is another "memory" that I do have. I "recall with certainty" that it represents a factually correct event, and I am assured that it did not and could not have happened at all as "recalled" below. I also have no credible idea of when the "memory" was formed, but my best guess is that is may likely have been Day 5.
  
  My wife's sister had come to visit me and was wishing me good luck and saying goodbye. She was cheerful, all smiles, quite positive and happy. (That is pretty much typical behavior for her when the setting is social and she is saying goodbye.) Anyway, I was lying in my bed, with the tubes and wires all connected to me, and I wanted to wish her goodbye as well. I was happy she came, enjoyed seeing her, and wanted to give her a hug goodbye. She was a little anxious about that intention, and let me know that it would be OK, she'd just come over and hug me. I was dismissive about that in a friendly way, as I wanted to show her that I was easily capable of navigating the easily avoided barriers between us. I got up, walked half-way around the monitors I was connected to, gave her a big hug goodbye, and thanked her again for coming and wished her a good trip home. Then, I returned to my bed, and got all laid down without disrupting any of the tubes and wires connected to me. She was not so much impressed as she was relieved, and wished us goodbye.
  
  I do remember a month later mentioning to her that I remembered hugging her goodbye, per above. Both she and my wife simultaneously declared that there was no way that ever occurred at all.
  
  Important → d-2.) The Ability to Distinguish between the Real and the Imaginary was not online. It was all Real to me. ← Important
  
  What is true is that at this point my wife's sister, Son_2, and my daughter flew back to their respective homes.
  
  
• On Day 6, sedation was stopped, enabling me to be more alert. However, within a few hours blood pressure increased significantly, and I got a headache, so I was given medicine to lower the blood pressure and meds for pain.
  
  Physical therapist found I was able to stand, 3 times but with notable left side weakness.
  
  
• I am told that prior to Day 14 (October 19th,) while I would interact with people, including the rehab therapists, I had trouble following through on requests. Which I interpret as a polite way of saying that I didn't follow through at all. Of course "now" (at the time of this writing,) my question (or observation) then follows, "How could one expect me to follow through on anything during a time I did not remember anything I might have been asked to do because my LTM formation was currently offline?" Just spellbinding.
  
  Anyway, I suspect ("now") that "follow thru" was used, in part, as a "tell" for working LTM formation. Of course "then" I had no clue anyone was expecting me to follow through on anything. Never occurred to me. Why would it? How could it?
  
  Important → Consistent and contiguous e.) Long Term Memory (LTM) Formation generally offline the first two weeks. ← Important
  
  
• On Monday, Day 7, I was more sleepy and less alert. A head CT found that I had increased edema in the brain. Gave me salt tablets for that, and wanted to start a salt infusion, but found that all the IV drip lines had been pulled out or lost. Even the IV line that had been inserted into my right foot. So, no IV salt on Day 7!
  
  
• On Day 8 (Oct 13th), earlier that morning, I was aware that I could not remember, and got my wife's commitment that she would remember for me.
  
  Important → i.) The Impulse to Remember, or want to Remember was now beginning to come back online. I believe this is related to wanting to remember facts, but cannot be sure of that. I don't actually remember requesting help for this. ← Important
  
  Also had no IV access on Day 8, as I had pulled it all out the night before. Also agitated, and so I was given Haldol.

  Every time I had pulled the drip lines out of my veins, they would need to be replaced, which required additional needle insertions. After a number of episodes, it became difficult to find a good vein to stick. I was in need of a IV line in order to raise my systemic Na⁺ concentration in order to reduce my brain edema (increasing Na⁺ concentrations above normal induces the tissues to give up some of their water, a basic solute effect that every chemist understands and works great across biological membranes.) It was decided instead to insert a long line (47 cm.) into my vein, and thread it up through my shoulder, around, and down near my heart. These types of line insertions are much more difficult to remove (remember that) and it was felt it would afford me a more lasting drip line for nutrients and medicines.

  They had to hold me down to get that PICC line into and up my right arm, then later gave me IV Versed. Eventually got Ativant for agitation, and was kept sedated for the rest of the day.
  
  I was also now given a "24-hour safety companion."
  
  
• On Day 9 (Oct. 14th) I was still kept sedated and had difficulty staying awake for PT. BP was under control. Ate all my breakfast and lunch.
  
  Early that morning, they finally removed my Foley catheter. I haven't mentioned that yet. It turns out I have no memory of anything having to do with my Foley catheter at all, AND that is also the one "tube insertion" that they had going into me that I never attempted to remove. Surprising to me, as I am not clear how I seemed to remain unaware that I had a catheter. There are stories, however, on multiple days, of me announcing to my family that I had to go "#1" and them telling me that I did not need to get up as I had a catheter inserted. I did not believe them, they then showed me, I did convince myself that it was something that was attached to me, and yet still had trouble "going." Later, on subsequent days (or moments,) the event would repeat again. That one never worked its way into my LTM, and I have no memory either of it or any of the conversations.
  
  By afternoon, I was able to state that I was in Danville, and the date was Oct 2018. (John Muir is actually in Walnut Creek, and the date was Oct 14, 2015.)
  
  For dinner, I sat in a chair and fed myself. I talked about my glass being "statistically empty" or "statistically full."
  
  Important → j.) The Recognition of Facts (The Actually Real) was now beginning to come back online. I have no recollection of the conversation, of course. And thus I cannot state credibly what I actually meant by my comments. However, there is an interesting "coincidence" with how I have generally interacted with facts or evidence or interpretation of observations, etc., both for a very long time before the accident and the way I generally relate to interpretations and hypotheses now, long after the event. I relate to nearly everything on a "likelihood" basis. For example, I wouldn't necessarily believe "Anything At All" to be True, regardless of the evidence for it. Rather, I might believe it to be 90% likely to be "True as described." And, at the same time, believe it might be 5% likely to be "True as Explanation B" and that it might be 5% likely to be "True as Explanation C". For this reason, I am always open to alternative interpretations of "Anything at All". However, the likelihoods I assign to explanations are very much dependent on the evidence or rational, factual, logical arguments offered for them. And thus, rhetorically well delivered narratives have almost no impact on my judgement of their likelihood for Truth at all, unless there are actual facts involved. I'm not saying that this approach to fact recognition is ideal. Rather, I would say that it is 90% likely to be ideally suited to accuracy and uncovering Truth! And, whereas before the accident I would have insisted that this approach had been rationally arrived at by me, I now believe (at 80% likelihood) that this approach is instead instinctual to me. I have simply created a rational explanation for it AFTER THE FACT of it.
  
  Summing up, the instinctual "subroutines" I use to recognize the reality (Truth) of things were now beginning to come back on line. ← Important
  
  And, I winked at the nurse.
  
  Important → k.) The Instinct to Befriend was now beginning to come back online. ← Important
  
  I also talked about how I was in one-dimension, and others were in more dimensions (than one.)
  
  Important → My ability to l.) Understanding the "what" or the "why" of what is happening, why things are the way they are, from a complex, multi-factorial systems perspective was not yet back online, and may not have started to come back online yet. Still, it is possible that perhaps I was beginning to perceive that others operated in a way that enabled them to see multiple aspects relating to whatever they were talking about, and yet at the same time I was aware that my view of what was going on was much simpler, single reason oriented. ← Important
  
  I also alluded to not being medically involved, and about getting "toxins" out of my body.
  
  
  
  Weight - 193lbs (below normal for me, but OK.)
  
  
• On Day 10 (Oct 15th) my wife found me more alert, and when she entered the room I opened my eyes and gave her the "thumbs up."
  
  I also used the bedside commode. I know that sounds a bit too personal, too much information (TMI), and my preference is to avoid mentioning it. However, the elimination functions are part of The Reboot, and to avoid them avoids giving a picture of all the aspects of the reboot as it unfolded. Still, I don't plan to detail much about it unless notable. Remember, this narrative is not about offering a pleasant story that all can be comfortable with and feel good about. Rather, its goal is to offer information that might be important for a research community wanting eventually to understand the mechanism of action explaining how our cognition actually works, which in part means understanding how it boots up, and why it boots up in the order that it does. But I will endeavor to avoid TMI, while giving JEI ("just enough information").
  
  Regarding the use of the commode, this coincided with my first attempted use, and resulted in me falling while trying to get up. Basically, I tried but couldn't go. So then I got up (or attempted to) on my own, which I wasn't supposed to do without asking for help, but who remembers instructions?! I don't even remember this event, which must have been memorable (for anyone with the ability to form LTM.) I actually fell towards the station where my "24 hour safety companion" was located. I was caught before hitting my head on whatever was where my head was heading. Finding this out, of course, made Son_1 livid. And Wife. Son_1's evidence-based trust in their ability to "watch my back" was at a low point.
  
  Why might this occur? It turns out that whenever I was instructed that I should be asking for their help and to not do anything on my own, I was apparently always very nice about it and indicated a desire to be as compliant as they needed me to be.
  
  Important → m.) The Impulse to be Cooperative (The Compatibility Seeking Personality Spectrum Filter) was emergent. ← Important
  
  Of course, all that is fine, if you have the ability to remember whatever it is you assured those caring for you you were agreeing to. Me? Apparently I was able to sincerely convince those caring for me that I honestly was "with them" regarding cooperation and doing the right thing, and why. Then, within minutes, I was doing my own thing. And not likely considering whether or not it would be a great idea to do whatever it is I was deciding to do.
  
  Important → e.) Long Term Memory (LTM) Formation still offline. ← Important
  
  BP was better, Na⁺ was better, and ...
  
  I later graduated from ICU and was moved to Room 2!
  
  And again, I have no memory of anything that I have told you so far.

→ Room 1 was last updated 05 Dec 2017 19:45 PST ←

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Consider thoughtfully.