ConserveLiberty will often abbreviate the name of this Tapestry as The Sense of Reality Ensemble. Or, alternatively, The CCSR Filter.

We start each Personality Spectrum Filter Chapter by reminding the reader several things about the filters, ensembles, and tapestries. ← Click there.

The biological and genetic basis underlying human personality is expected to be quite complex, with many component parts. By no means should it be construed or implied that Cognition, Memory, Interpretation, and Instinctive Behaviors are the results of single genes. Rather, an ensemble of biological parts are necessary to be expressed and put together just right so that a person's individual default and range settings on the The Sense of Reality Ensemble is determined.

Numerous genes are involved, functioning as an tapestry, which broadly together under the right circumstances result in our ability to both Comprehend what may actually be True given the information we have at the time and from there move forward in developing alternative perspectives that may make even more sense and be even more Useful to us.

We refer to these as the Credible and Consistent Sense of Reality Personality Spectrum Tapestry. (Or more simply, the Sense of Reality Ensemble, or the CCSR Filter.) It is this tapestry of subroutines that came back "online" during The Cognitive Reboot.

A list of the subroutine-driven filters observed coming online in this chapter.

Of course, since neither our filters nor the information that each of us have currently is perfect or complete, all of us, in one way or another, is a little "off" - not understanding what may actually be True regarding the interpretation of what we are perceiving. In ways that are not entirely within our intentional control. When one grasps the likelihood that one may not be understanding a situation accurately, IF that is grasped, it is often accompanied either with feelings of unease, wonder and curiosity, or apathy (like, "so what?") For many, our imagination (always ready) kicks in instinctively (we may not even be aware of it) and we wind up believing whatever we feel makes sense, from whatever perspective "making sense" is considered "important" to us.

Which, of course, may have little (or zero) correlation with the actual Truth, whether validatable or not.

"Some get it, if any get it. Or, some get some of it, if any get some of it. The rest do not." - David Apollo

Those with an effective enough Mechanism of Action (MOA) for establishing a Sense of Reality that leads to "resonance with credible perspectives" are often drawn to and can entertain situations that they have an earlier familiarity with, but in different, novel, out-of-the-box perspectives. (See the Critical Thinking Ensemble.) Sometimes those novel perspectives can lead to a more accurate, more truthful comprehension of what is "really going on." Many times ... not.

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There is an ironic reality regarding the accident that generates a special challenge for me. I prefer to communicate credibly, always. As truthfully as I can be. If I am hedging, and am aware of it, I call it out. Communicating credibly means being Factually Truthful. Period. And yet, the accident, the rehab, and The Cognitive Reboot discussed happened to me. And (paradox coming ...) as it turns out, from My perspective, I wasn't actually "there" for a significant part of it. Especially so for Part 1.

"What do you mean 'You were not there' for part of it?" you might ask. Reasonably.

Well, I don't have an "identified relationship" with actually "being there, whatever" unless I can actually remember being there. Without the memory of it, I can create a rational construct (e.g. within my conscious cognitive space) of what me or anyone else who "was there" might have experienced. A "best guess" as it were, and I like to think a pretty good one. However, that's only a rational construct.

In reality, if I can't remember "being there", then I can't internally validate that I was there. And, since I often find myself interpreting things a bit differently than any other person who might also have "experienced" the very same thing that I just did, then without memory of my witnessing an event (i.e. recall) I have no mechanism for attempting to validate how much of what another is telling me might actually be true. Might be close, but was it It?

So basically, if I can't remember it, I don't even have a way of getting certainty on whether it even happened. Or how it happened. Or why it happened.

To a large extent, I have no memory at all of a portion of what I will tell you. Other of the things that I do have "memory of" may have happened during a time that my perceptive and long term memory (LTM) formation abilities were not sufficiently "online" in order that I might get close to a status of "Credible." Even though it may actually have seemed credible to me. Both then, and right now.

I will fill in what follows with a mixture of:

• what I know happened,
• some of what I know that I don't know that happened,
• what others have told me has happened due to their own experiences, observations, and interpretations, and
• some inferences on my part regarding what I think happened.

In all cases, I will indicate which is which so that confusion is minimized. It is my hope that I can maximize the actual credible value in this by minimizing what would be my own perceptions that got generated not by the actual truth, but rather by a narrative that I am comfortable that the truth may actually be. Got that? We all do this, of course, often unaware of the phenomenon. However, I have a better ability (I say) at uncovering and minimizing the occurrence of this within myself. Of course, who doesn't believe that about themselves?

I'll do my best.

I do, however, recommend healthy skepticism regarding the absolute truthfulness in what I set down for you to read and embrace as Truthfulness anyway. Because ... skepticism always gets the rational closer to truthful "comprehension" or "understanding."

→ The Preface was last updated 13 Nov 2017 14:45 PST ←

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October 6th, 2015. It was Tuesday, and nearing 1PM. Typically, Tuesdays from 1PM forward were reserved for an afternoon with a buddy of mine. We would typically spend some time in philosophical conversations. Generally a guy thing. For some, those conversations might revolve around sports, or perhaps something else of common interest, maybe politics. For whatever reason, we tended to gravitate toward uncovering the differences we are all built with which influence each of our behaviors differently. Never really planned to, but for some reason we always "wound up" there. And, enjoyed it. Best of all, both of us are "built" or "wired" differently enough from each other that there was always something new for each of us to learn. New learning is often facilitated NOT when "similarities" come together to interact, but when "differences" encounter each other instead.

David Apollo                     Simon Carrington

Most often, discovery happens when differences are observed because it is differences that are most often noticed. Similarities, especially when broadly observed or prevalent are often taken for granted, and generally do not generate the same level of interest that "the exceptions" do. And for those who care, differences then generate endeavors to identify and compare, with the intention of understanding the "why", the mechanism of how they all seem to unfold. These efforts help illuminate the Mechanisms of Action (MOA) for those that are interested in the MOA aspect of whatever topic is being considered.

We had been having our conversations over a few years, and for whatever reason it had become important for me to show up as close to 1PM as possible. Never before 1PM, but certainly at or before 1:05 - 1:10 was our friendly agreement to what was "on time". And so, while I actually do not remember it, I am quite certain that the last time I saw the clock before leaving home, I would have seen that it was 1PM, or very slightly after, on October 6th, 2015.

The next time I recall being aware of "the actual time of anything" didn't occur until October 22nd. On that date I spied paperwork that my surgery started on October 6th, 2015, sometime between 1:50 - 1:58PM.

Something very different was being experienced cognitively, although on the 22nd, that anything different was being experienced cognitively was not occurring to me at all.

This chapter is currently offered "as is" in order to get "in process" information out to those involved for their review. Subsequent revisions may include additional material that elaborate and clarify sections of this chapter more completely.

→ The Introduction was last updated 28 Jun 2017 16:40 PDT ←

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The identities of all involved are intended to be anonymous? Why is that?

There are multiple good reasons, and I won't elaborate on any of them here except one. Perhaps the most important one.

What is being retold and uncovered here, and what might come of it, is a much bigger deal than the one person whose history and recovery is being described. To include the actual identities would interfere with what is most important regarding the narrative, its facts, and the observed sequence of recovery.

There is a high likelihood that much can be learned from this experience by those who can leverage what is being recorded and shared and can then move forward scientifically. Those who believe that understanding my identity would be really helpful for appreciating this narrative ... won't really learn much of what is intended to be explored by the writer. Me. I am truly a very small part of how this has all unfolded, even though in actuality it can only have unfolded precisely in the way it unfolded because of what I am. How I have been put together.

To consider me to be a significant, non-extractable part of what is being described would be as misguided as, for example, to suggest that The Ten Commandments were as significant as they are because Moses wrote them down. Or, for example, to suggest that Gravity was so fundamentally significant to all that we see happening in the universe because Isaac Newton recognized the force he described as such. No, Moses and Newton may have been bright, and they were surely important for writing a few introductory things down and teaching those to us, but in the end, they were merely observing what for them was In Plain Sight. As I am. And that is all.

And, I am not entirely one of a kind. Much can be generalized to be helpful in understanding what others either have or will go through as they have their own accidents and go through their own Cognitive Reboots. Along the way, much may be learned regarding how our mechanism of cognition, the Credible and Consistent Sense of Reality Personality Spectrum Ensemble is actually built. Biologically.

Thus, for the purposes of this narrative, my wife will be referred to as Wife, my kids as Son_1, Son_2, and Daughter, my mom as Mom, and my sister as Sister. The friend whose house I was coasting to is Simon.

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Before I get going on "The Event and Reboot," it would be a good idea to set this entire narrative up from a particular biological, and ultimately instinctive perspective. Because in the end, it is within this perspective that everything you read from here forward executed. I say.

For the moment, consider all the rest of the living nature you know. Not the nature that is dead but strictly the nature that is alive. Watch it, whether it be a bird, an insect, a plant, another mammal, etc. Humans would be included, but exclude them for now so that we can get whatever preferential or subjective bias we have about ourselves and our own species out of the way.

Nature Moves Forward

Do we share the same instinct to Move Forward with all else that is alive?

You bet we do.

This is a story of me moving forward. Instinctively. For much of October, without thinking about it. For a time, not even capable of thinking about it. Cognitively rebooting. Piece by piece. Until all came back together, online. Or so I say.

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The following is what I believe occurred based on my piecing together of various evidence repeated by various sources. I have no memory, or credible memory of any of it whatsoever prior to "Room 3":

• I left my home sometime shortly after 1PM (no witnesses, but that had always been my practice every two weeks on Tuesdays, for years.) October 6th, 2015. On my motorcycle.
  
  Important but not validatably so → As they had been for years, my two "lucky" dollar coins were in the saddlebags. ← Important
  
  
• I began the ride accelerating for a hundred yards or so till a speed of 25mph was reached (or slower), then shifted to neutral for a gentle coast on level road, eventually reaching a downhill slope for a gravity assisted acceleration to no faster than 32mph. After the steep part of the slope was completed, continued neutral coasting and wind friction slowed my bike to 20 mph or less (again, no witnesses, and no memory, but that was always observed practice (by me) per above.)
  
  
• At this point, I would be approaching a rightward curve which would have been carefully coasted through, with no acceleration, since a known driveway was on the other side of the bush hiding it, followed by a right turn onto the next street. If anything, mild braking might or might not have been applied. However, on October 6th the bike went down before the turn. Reasons unknown.
  
  

  ---

  Update - 3 Years Later
  
  

  
  These highsiders are for illustration. While not traveling as fast,
  the timing and physics of my accident are the same.

  Using the thouroughly detailed accident report filed by the police officer who had arrived on the scene 15 minutes after the accident, I have been able to piece together the circumstances and events describing it.
  
  Prior to reaching the curve, I prepared to make the right turn around it. Traveling slowly, I started my lean and my rear tire began sliding. Unable to correct the slide, the right side of my bike impacted the road.
  
  The mount of my right floorboard gauged into the pavement. The resistance generated was sufficient to induce a "highside" flip, launching me up and over the bike. At the same time, the bike itself flipped, landing on its left side. I landed ahead of the bike, coming to a stop 12-13 feet away.
  
  It has been remarked that it would be interesting if I could recall what I was thinking just before the moment I hit the pavement. My reply - "While it is not possible that I'll ever recall that, I am nearly certain what my last word was before contact."
  
  "In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances,
  profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer."   -   Mark Twain, 1835 - 1910

  ---

  
  Since this was always the safest, lowest traffic, least aggressive half mile route I ever took on the bike, home-to-home within our gated neighborhood only, I was not wearing any protective clothing.
  
  My head hit the road, fracturing my skull.
  
  
• My fall was witnessed by the mailman who has stated he was coming up the hill in the opposite direction of my travel. Generally, the mailman would not have been making his route through the neighborhood until later in the afternoon. But there he was, just after 1PM.
  
  Important → The first of several low likelihood occurrences ("miracles") that unfolded that day that contributed to the positive outcome that eventually unfolded over time. ← Important
  
  
• The mailman called for me to get up (he says.) I didn't respond, and so he made the call for an ambulance quickly after that. (In notes that my wife composed, the mailman held me while a neighbor called 911.)
  
  
• Initial responders (firemen) report that I was initially responsive at the scene, and knew my first name. From there, I became disoriented.
  
  
  
• After being about 15 minutes late to our meeting, my friend decided to drive to my home to check on me, since I was not answering my phone. On his way up the hill, he found me as I was being put in the ambulance. According to Simon, I was conscious and could be heard to be speaking.
  
  
• The ambulance departed to the hospital approximately 20 miles away. Easily a 30-35 minute drive for an aggressive driver. Apparently, they were more aggressive. Sometime along the way, I lost consciousness. At this point it was not clear whether or not what had been observed was seizure-like behavior before loosing consciousness. Apparently, my progression was typical for the type of head injury I sustained.
  
  Important → The quick arrival and ambulance transport was the second of several low likelihood occurrences ("miracles") that unfolded that day that contributed to the positive outcome that unfolded over time. ← Important
  
  By the time I arrived at the hospital, I was in coma. Weight - 205lbs (top of normal for me.)
  
  
• At this point, my wife had been notified by Simon, who told her that I would be OK. She left work to drive to John Muir Hospital, about an hour's drive away. She kept calling my phone, but instead of getting me she eventually got Laura, the social worker who answered. Laura was calm, and reminded my wife to drive carefully. She also mentioned that I was being intubated as a "precautionary measure." At that point, my wife now surmised that the accident was serious. Intubations are not administered "just to be safe."
  
  
  
  [ Similar to the actual CAT scan ]
• Generally, the head surgeon's office is approximately a mile from the hospital, and he would have been called to address my issues. Instead, as I was wheeled into the hospital, he was just coming out of another surgery and was able to attend to me immediately.
  
  I was intubated to insure I remained breathing. A CAT scan was taken and immediately evaluated, showing a right epidural bleed. Basically, an above dura hematoma with blood collecting between skull and brain, compressing my brain, shrinking it, and pushing it over to one side. However, there was no subdural penetration into the brain. Additional injuries were mastoid and cheek fractures, as well as other bruising and hemorrhaging.
  
  Actually, that was great news.
  
  
• Surgery was begun before 2PM to suction the blood away, relieving pressure and allowing my brain to reexpand and return to its normal place. The volume of the bleed was 35cc. (50cc is typically considered fatal, and would have occurred if given another 5 minutes.) What bone fragments were available were reassembled in place, followed by my intact scalp. 2 drains were left in to prevent reaccumulation of the epidural bleed. No other corrective surgery was performed nor were any devices implanted.
  
  Important → The quick availability of a good surgical team, quick intubation, and quick radiology information was the third of several low likelihood occurrences ("miracles") that unfolded that day that contributed to the positive outcome that unfolded over time. ← Important
  
  Making those first three "miracles" even more significant, it has been suggested (above) by the medical team involved that had I not been available for surgery for another 5-15 minutes, I would have terminated. Expired. Passed. Instead, I got lucky.
  
  
• At this point, we are at Day 1. Emergency surgery had been performed prior to contact with my wife who was still on the way to the hospital by the time surgery was completed.
  
  

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With regard to many of the comments I will make throughout this "journal" ... comments that I make "Now" (about how I may have been thinking "Then") are influenced by how I know myself to feel "Now."

In the first two weeks after my accident, the factual credibility of what memory I am able to recall will range from perhaps 0 - 50% depending on what ability I had at the time to remember anything at all. My ability to discern what was Real from what was Imaginary was also variable. Poor earlier, better later, but at all times what I do recall from memory I do regard as having been Real, even though witnesses at the time often insist it was not. Thus, I may often have had no Long Term Memory (LTM) formation ability at a particular time, and what LTM I was able to form may not have been credible.

I will remind the reader of this in particular instances throughout Part 1.

Also notable:

I have discovered that often, the way I behaved "Then" is how I would have behaved either "Now" or "Before Then." And yet, until recently, I had generally believed that the way I chose to behave "Before Then" had always been the result of rational thinking. However, during much of Part 1 (covering October,) I regard my rational thinking to have been offline. And thus, most of those behaviors during Part 1 were instinctual in origin. Or, they may have been habituated from the past, and not rationally considered.

Here comes the leap in faith (a high likelihood hypothesis): I may be able to understand what my instinctual perspectives may have been "Then" via the way I understand them "Now." It is possible that my "rational thinking" "Before Then" (or "Now") may actually have been (and is now) a "rational wrapper" around what is Instinctual Thinking. Not all of it, but a lot more of it than I had thought. And, since instinctual, some of those perspectives may have also been present if they had come back online during the described unfolding.

Or not. Got that?

Think about it. Skeptically.

→ The Accident Intro was last updated 08 Nov 2018 14:10 PST ←

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Consider thoughtfully.